FOR the past 16 years, Fely has worked for the Chans (not their real names), who hired her when their child was a month old. After the botched hostage-taking in Manila, she was summarily dismissed.

Not that the dismissal was entirely a shock. Fely had actually begun to think of returning home as she was turning 60 soon and her pay was not worth staying for. All these years, her employers, who live on the top floor of their flat while their daughter and Fely lived below, have never raised her basic salary and even slashed it during the SARS crisis.

Like most Filipina domestics, Fely has served as a surrogate parent for her ward. She slept with the baby, who sometimes lay on her chest because Mrs. Chan wouldn?t even think of breastfeeding her. (Hong Kong women, who have a fetish for slimness, think that nursing can ruin their bustline.) Mrs. Chan works in a bank, Mr. Chan in their town?s post office.

As a small child, Fely?s ward Rusy (not her real name) developed asthma. When she was 12, she had confided to her nanny that she sometimes wanted to commit suicide. Fely had talked her out of it.

As she grew older, Rusy worried about the time that her beloved nanny would leave her. So when she learned that Fely had been fired, she fell into a deep depression. The night before Fely had to go, Rusy wept inconsolably, scribbling in a notebook and ignoring Fely?s pleas for her to go to sleep. When Fely left in the morning after giving Rusy a hug, the girl could barely talk as she handed her nanny the notebook and said good-bye.

Rusy?s letter is addressed to ?Lola Fely? because she had often heard her yaya talking to her granddaughter in Nueva Ecija, and so called her ?Lola? too. Like all Hong Kong students, Rusy learned English in school but had still not mastered tenses, conjugation, spelling and syntax. Excerpts from her 15-page letter follow:

?Lola Fely, Thank you for taking care of me for l6 years. Since 1994 until 2010 every day you are taking good care of me. Even when you are sick you still take care me . . . as your daughter.

?When I am sick, you bring me to see doctor, boil congee for me to eat, bring dinner for me, bring me home from school. When I am sad you support me, encourage me. When mom scold me, you quarrel with her. When she beat me, you protect me. You let her beat you. I always make you feel scared because of my asthma. When I am sick, you always tell me ?You must help yourself. When I go away, who will help you?? I will always remember this. I know that you love me very very very very much.

?When I am a baby you are feeding me, taking a bath of me, bringing me to the beach or park, everyday making me happy. If you are not taking such a good care of me, I can?t grow big until now. You bring me to school every day and bring me home. What you are doing is like a mother do to her daughter.

?When I was in primary school you wake me up at 6:40 a.m. and give breakfast and bring me to school. Almost every Monday I don?t like to go to school and you always worried about me.

?In the 1st year of my secondary life (F-1), the school meet my parents because my mother bit me. (This incident involved Rusy coming to school with bruises from her mother?s beating, something that Fely had been unable to stop. The school principal summoned the mother who claimed her daughter had fallen off her bed.) On that day I really feeling DIE I can?t breath, but NOBODY BELIEVE me. I feel sad sad sad.

?In 2nd year nothing happen but I repeat F2. (Rusy performed badly and had to repeat that school year.) I was shocked I feel nervous. And that year my parents don?t let me play computer and watch TV. I want to kill my mother that evil woman! I have much pressure I feel crazy.

?My friends come to visit and you cook for us. They told me ?You are lucky you have a good helper. She is really nice and she love you.? Lola, I am proud of you. I have a GOOD LOLA.

?Every time I was thinking you will go home soon I cry because I don?t know how my life without you. Since 1994 you are always by my side, you help me every time and I know you are always praying of me.

?In 2009 I was very sad because I am afraid you will go home. (At this time Fely had told Rusy of her plans to return home for good.) I think my parents will still don?t give love to me, I feel I am not one of their family. I am a family member with you. I only feel happy when you are near my side because I can feel love from you.

?Without you I think my life is very worst. Why? Because without you I can?t love, care. But with you at least I enjoy 16 years love and care. So I really thanks you.

?I don?t know if I can live without you but I promise you that I will be tough, not like before I know I am weak. And you always tell me to be brave. What you had told me I would not forget. Please don?t forget me.

?That evil woman she don?t want to listen. She never understand me. When you go who will care me when I am sick? Who will bring me to see doctor? Who is going to cook lunch and dinner? Who will wash my clothes? Do you think mommy will do that? No! She don?t even know how to use washing machine. She cannot take care for me. What she likes is to hurt me, make me cry!

?I can?t imagine what will happen after you go! I don?t want to eat anything after you go. I know I will miss you, I can do nothing when you go. I can just cry and cry. I AM SO PITTY. DON?T GO PLEASE!

?I will always miss you. After school I won?t go home immediately because no one is waiting for me at home. I will become a bad girl because no one look at me, teach me, care me. You know how important you are because a face that I see everyday suddenly disappeared.

?I will miss you when I wake up. I will miss you when I am alone. I will miss you when I am sick. I will miss you when I go to sleep. I will miss you when I see your name, I will miss you all the time.

?I know you are not happy because of mommy really that I am ashame of being her daughter. How can I survive after you go? I always want to die, I feel dying when I think now that you leave me soon. I WANT TO DIE NOW.

?Please remember me everytime. Call me always remember my phone (gives number). Call back here always. Let me hear your voice!

?Please be happy all the time. Don?t worry be happy! Think of me when you are sad. Remember me all the time. Call me at least once a month but remember me every second.

?LOVE YOU FOREVER.?

Although she felt sad at leaving Rusy, Fely held back her tears on reading her ward?s letter. She plans to keep in touch by mail (if she goes home) or by phone if she finds another employer in Hong Kong.

I asked how she?d handled Rusy?s first menstruation. She said the girl came home from school two years ago (when she was 14) and said, ?Lola, I have blood.? Fely helped her wash and change, then phoned the mother to buy sanitary pads on her way home from work. On coming home, the mother, on her way upstairs, handed Fely the pads, not saying a word to Rusy. For parents who went for months not talking to their daughter, this was normal.

Fely?s hope is that Rusy finishes school and finds a job so she can leave her parents to live by herself ? or with someone who will give her the love she never got from them but received from her Filipina yaya. ?