WHEN in Rome do as the Romans do. That?s sound advice, but it?s also easier said than done.

Even when traveling around the Philippines, you?ll find a fair share of challenges when it comes to adjusting to local norms. A vegetarian, for example, will be hard pressed to find places that serve only vegetables. Especially in rural areas, ?vegetarian? might as well be Greek. If there are people who have heard the term, they might still throw in small pieces of meat. ?Ah, vegetarian, puede ang manok (Ah, vegetarian, you can eat chicken).?

Those are the milder challenges. Even die-hard carnivores might find dietary challenges, from dog meat (the server might even boast that it was their house pet!) to crickets and salagubang. I haven?t even begun to describe some of the fermented stuff?fermented meaning ?alive? so close your eyes and think of the nutrients, rather than, ?Did I just feel the slime move around my tongue??

I?m exaggerating the dietary challenges. But more important are the little things you can do to show you are interested in local culture. Language is a good place to start: have a list of the most important phrases to learn: good morning (afternoon, evening), thank you, you?re welcome. Questions to get a conversation going are also useful; what?s your name, how old is your child, etc.

When you?re buying things, being able to start with local phrases (how much, that?s expensive) gives you an edge. Eventually your accent will give you away as a tourist, but by then they would have given you lower than usual prices... unless, of course, you were dressed to the hilt and came in a tourist bus.

Blending in means not over-dressing, as well as not under-dressing. With the latter, the danger isn?t so much in titillating people in the community as in it being a sign of a lack of respect. Beach wear?s fine on the beach but not for places like public buildings or places of worship. To under-dress is to say to people: ?I don?t need to dress up for you since you belong to a class lower than me.?

All said, blending in is a matter of ?being nice? in the sense of respecting people. This becomes even more crucial when you?re overseas, where differences in norms can be much sharper. This is not just in terms of dressing up (or down) but also in the way you move, the way you use your hands, even in how loud you speak.

In Buddhist societies, the head is sacred so don?t go around patting little children?s heads. The feet, on the other hand, are profane so don?t put your feet up on the table or, if you?re sitting on the floor, don?t point your feet at people or show your soles, especially if they?re unwashed.

In Muslim societies, you don?t hand over something with your left hand, which is considered the ?toilet? hand. In East Asian societies (Chinese, Japanese, Korean), giving something with both hands, even when paying for a purchase, is much appreciated as a sign of respect.

Filipinos are often unaware that we?ve acquired a reputation similar to the loud Americans. We talk too loud, almost like we?re boasting, and in many cases there is an element of showing off. It?s particularly irritating listening to a group of Pinoy tourists having to announce to the world what they bought and for how much, complete with brand names.

Be careful too with the tone of your voice. I wasn?t surprised with that recent incident involving a Filipino congressman and a PAL flight attendant?we tend to talk down to people we perceive to be lower than ourselves.

I think it?s a hang-over of an earlier era (as in the 1950s and 1960s) when the Philippines and Filipinos were considered rich. We had Filipinos flying off to Hong Kong for the weekend, and coming back with full suitcases.

We forget that our neighbors now see a Filipino and presume we?re off to work somewhere as someone?s domestic helper. Yet, we strut around like hacienderos. We think our command of English makes us superior to others, so we make sure everyone hears our English. And, horror of horrors, we sometimes end up making fun of other people?s languages, especially if they are tonal.

Sometimes we think we?re just being assertive but the tone of our voice projects arrogance: ?Don?t you understand English?? Our sense of entitlement can be infuriating as we demand instant results and first-class treatment, forgetting we?re using super cheap-o tickets. Local etiquette in many Asian countries does not permit an offended person to argue with you, but you can be sure they?ll get back by slowing down already slow service, spitting into your food, or worse.

I?ve seen what a difference it makes being as gracious as your host country. I smile when there?s a problem and assure them, ?That?s OK.? You?d be surprised at how they?ll end up taking extra effort to make up for the lapses, often with extra servings of food or, on the plane, a good seat, even an upgrade to business class. You can ask my friends who have traveled with me on the perks we get, and all of it comes without anything scripted or planned. Often, it comes from just being nice.

Sincere smiles, being ?simple? (in the Spanish-Filipino sense of the word) blend us in, wherever we might be.