I come from an upper-middle class family, and while we don’t roll around in money we have always been comfortable and well-provided for. My siblings and I studied in exclusive schools, spoke English at home, and in general we all led a charmed life. My problem (if it’s really a problem) is that I think I’m attracted to my driver. It’s not the way it sounds—he’s the son of our longtime family driver and my kababata, and my father put him through college. I don’t want to be attracted to him as I find it jologs and barok.
Tiffany
Dear Tiffany,
What’s wrong with being attracted to someone who had different circumstances? Attraction is a response to a baser instinct—it just means he possesses certain qualities that you happen to like. Sure, it’s the first step to having a relationship, whether romantic or not. You can’t have a friend you’re repulsed with, could you? But being attracted to him doesn’t mean you want to marry him, so chill.
Don’t easily dismiss someone or something just because they don’t fit in your standard of “coolness.” The definition of cool changes every generation, and if I were you I won’t be attached to any one of them. It’s okay to be friends with your driver—after all, you fully entrust him your life whenever you let him get behind the wheel.
This story has been the plot of too many movies already,
Jewel
DEAR JEWEL,
I don’t like my boyfriend’s circle of friends. I don’t have anything against them nor do I know them personally, but on the few times I went along with my boyfriend I just can’t stand them. They’re too loud, too prying, and they drink too much. They’re very different from my friends. Whenever my boyfriend tries to tag me along I invent all sorts of excuses not to go, then he gets mad and accuses me of hating his friends. Which is true, but I still don’t want him to think that. What should I do?
Martian
Dear Martian,
When you entered the relationship, it was implied that you are prepared to accept everything about your boyfriend. Short of him being a murderer, that includes accepting his friends. His friends were there before you. There must be something good with those people, because your boyfriend is friends with them. Don’t be mad with what I’m about to say next: probably there is something you have in common with his friends for him to like you.
They’re different, yes, but so is everybody else. What makes you so sure that they’re not saying the same thing about you? Make an effort—pick one of his friends that you can at least talk to, and go from there. You don’t have to be BFF, just get to know them. Maybe you will find something to like, and you don’t have to lie anymore.
