I have been going out for quite a while with this guy who’s really great and fun to be with. I could see him as my boyfriend, except for one teeny tiny thing. His last girlfriend is my sister, and she doesn’t know I’m dating him. Knowing my sister, she will not talk to me for two years if she finds out. What should I do?
Wicked Stepsister
Dear Stepsister.
They say all’s fair in love and war. However, this is your sister we’re talking about. Your sister is there for the rest of your life. You will see her on family dinners, reunions, and probably some of her on your future children.
This ex-boyfriend of hers that you’re secretly dating, think very hard if it’s all worth it. Boyfriends come and go, but sisters stay put where they are. Weigh it very carefully, whether you can live a life where you will always be the “one who stole her sister’s boyfriend” even if that’s not the case.
If you really like the guy and think you have a chance together, talk to your sister about it. She won’t be happy, but at least she didn’t have to know from someone else.
Don’t borrow her clothes while you’re doing this,
Jewel
Dear Jewel,
Technically, I’m in a relationship for three years now. But as far as relationships go, we’ve hit the point where we don’t need to see each other that often, and when we’re together we’re just like friends. Apparently it works, because we’re still together. There are times when I think of breaking up with her, but then again it would seem cruel since we don’t fight, and I don’t want to throw three years down the drain for nothing.
Then I met this other girl that I’m getting to like. Problem is, she just broke up with her boyfriend. It wouldn’t really be much of a problem except that they still see each other, and is probably messed up in her own way. If I enter the scene now, I would mess it up further. I feel like I’m in a limbo.
Scarecrow
Dear Scarecrow,
You didn’t tell me what you want, or maybe you don’t know what you want.
Every relationship hits a plateau, but sometimes it’s not a plateau anymore—you fell out of love. And while you still care for her, you want different things now. How long you’ve stayed together shouldn’t always be a gauge of whether the relationship is worth saving.
It’s also important to know when to back off, and start spending your time with people you’re happy to be with.
Regarding the other girl, you’re right. You would be presented as another problem rather as a solution to whatever she’s going through right now. Wait until she’s decided on her own fate, then take it from there.
Meanwhile, don’t be too concerned about your lovelife. There are plenty of things happening in the world that don’t require a partner.
