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“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” –Oscar Wilde

MANILA, Philippines—Fashion, they say, is a matter of recycling trends—yesterday’s hideous shoulder pads might just be the next big thing. Thought you’d never see MC Hammer pants make a comeback? Look again, the person sitting beside you just might be wearing the confused (are those pants baggy or tight?) staple of the ’90s.

The beauty of fashion is that just about anything can be made to look good, given the right photographer and model. But that is also precisely its drawback—even the most hideous trends can look great on a waifish model under dramatic lighting. But on ordinary people on ordinary days—now, that’s a different story.

We’re all for individual fashion sense; if you actually like Hammer pants and shoulder pads, more power to you. But if you’re wearing them because everyone else is, chances are, you’ll be burning photos of yourself in various outfits.

Super presents five of the silliest trends to come our way in quite a while. Trust us—a year from now, you won’t believe you actually wore these things.

E-mail the author at biancaconsunji@yahoo.com

Gladiator sandals
Inspiration: Spartacus

So you want to look like a gladiator from the golden days of Rome. However, those ridiculously high gladiator sandals can cost an arm and a leg, so make your own! Relive the days of the bloodthirsty Roman empire by going rugged all the way—all you need is a little ingenuity. Simply attach a length of rope to your trusty sandals, walk around with a ferocious snarl, and you’ve got the authentic gladiator look down pat.

Sahal scarf
Inspiration: Abu Sayyaf and co.

Don’t get us wrong—the sahal scarf, also known as the shemagh, is not traditionally associated with terrorists. However, it’s also hard to disassociate the image of a smiling Kumander Robot (wearing a checkered scarf) with the trend. Since the scarf doesn’t really look good on anyone—and we wonder why people pair scarves with flimsy tank tops in a tropical country like ours—you might as well go all out and look ridiculous by pairing the sahal scarf with sunglasses.

Colored jeans
Inspiration: Crayons

It started with Topshop’s Kate Moss collection. The line featured bright red jeans that looked like jumbo hotdogs when women with heftier proportions started wearing them. You would’ve thought that was enough, but no, retail brands started making them in every color of the rainbow.

The ‘Blair’ band
Inspiration: Gossip Girl’s Blair Waldorf

On her, it looked cute. But the beribboned hair band makes lesser mortals look like oversized gift boxes. It’s quite disconcerting to see twentysomethings decked out in bows large enough to wrap a washing machine—if you must wear one, keep the ribbons small and sweet.

The boyfriend look
Inspiration: Mary-Kate Olsen

The boyfriend look, inspired by slouchy menswear and popularized by Mary-Kate Olsen, has supposedly been the must-have look for the past couple of months.

While there’s nothing wrong with borrowing your boyfriend’s sweater for a chic, casual look, there’s something definitely wrong if you can be mistaken for your brother from behind.