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My girlfriend is a major slob


Philippine Daily Inquirer

Last updated 21:54:00 03/20/2009

DEAR JEWEL,

I like this guy very much, like you wouldn?t believe. I can?t stop thinking about him. I even went as far as buying him gifts and hanging out in places he usually hangs out in. The thing is, I can?t read him. Sometimes he?s very nice to me, other times cold. It came to a point I couldn?t take the guessing game any longer, and asked him pointblank whether he likes me or not. He told me he?s not ready for a relationship, and if I?m willing to wait he?s okay with it.
Should I wait? It?s getting tiring.

Chriffy

Dear Chriffy,

What if, I turned you into a dog, dangled a bone in front of you so you?d do as I say, but never actually gave you the bone? You?d probably mangle me at some point. Same thing here. He?s giving you false hope, and that?s actually worse than outright rejection.

If you choose to wait until he?s ?ready,? there are just two scenarios. One, you?re waiting for nothing. He just probably gave you that line because he finds it fun that there?s someone he can fall back on, which officially puts him on the Greatest Jerks of All Time.

Two, let?s say he?s finally ready after a long time and you get together. You then might realize that you don?t really want him anymore ? it?s not the same feeling.

Don?t wait for anyone. If he really likes you, he?ll find you. Don?t make it your problem that he?s not ready; find someone who is. Maybe you like him too much that you?ve somehow put him on a pedestal, picturing him as someone he?s actually not. Life is short.

Waiting is never fun,
Jewel

Dear Jewel,
I am someone who likes my place neat and tidy, where everything is in its proper place and dust-free. My girlfriend is the total opposite of that. She?s a major slob. Whenever she stays over, my place looks like a refugee center ? clothes, books, DVDs lying all around the apartment, like a four-year-old made the mess.

I can?t talk to her about it because she teases me about being so uptight, and I?m not. I just want order. I love her but this is killing me.
JM

Dear JM,

She?s a four-year-old but you don?t like being teased. It?s like kindergarten all over again! You see, she won?t know you?re ready to kill yourself over the mess if you don?t point it out.

People have different concepts of what is organized and what is not. For her it?s how she lives, and so far she?s doing okay. I?m not saying it?s a good thing, but she is functioning even though she can live in filth (by your definition).

Why not cut a deal with her? She can go on with her fling-flung ways, but just not in your apartment.

Let her know that if you see mess, you can?t think straight; and if you can?t think straight, you become a grouch. It?s hard to kiss a grouch. In exchange, you can try to be a little more flexible (by her definition).

I know it?s the little things that kill, but just be glad that this little thing could be fixed, if you would just talk about it.

Say it nicely,
Jewel

Email Jewel at jewel-lifestyle@inquirer.com.ph

     


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